It's Official....

Cam has hit the terrible 2's 4 months EARLY! I'm in search of an extra stash of patience.

I'm no longer allowed to help him do things, when I try he swats my hands away and yells at me. Today I made us popcorn for a snack and when I tried to eat it he tried to take it out of my mouth and screamed at me "MINE!" Then he proceeded to do his extremely pissed off dance where he jumps up down crying. When it was time for dinner tonight he was very unhappy about that. My mom picked him up and strapped him into his booster seat where he began to scream til his face was purple. I sat there and ate my dinner watching him throw his fit....I was waiting for his head to spin in circles and vomit to come projecting out of his mouth like in the Exorcist. It never happened after about 10 minutes of that and he stopped and decided he would eat dinner.

My recent activities have been perfecting the art of ignoring these outbursts, because if I don't I think I'll be on the floor screaming and crying with him. I mean there is zero chance of consoling him or redirecting him he's stubborn (like me). My next purchase is going to be EARPLUGS!

Happy Memorial Day

Today we spent the holiday just the two of us. It was kinda nice, yet lonely at the same time. I decided to make it special for him. I got up early with him got us fed and dressed and hurried out to see the Parade in town. He absolutely LOVED the parade. He waved "hi" to all the cars and trucks and danced to all the marching bands. When the soldiers shot off their guns he yelled "WOAH!!!" and clapped (he's your typical boy). It was the first time he saw a Parade and something we'll now have to make a tradition. I'm not somewhat debating keeping him up for fire works on the 4th of July. We'll see.

I am grill challenged! BUT a holiday just isn't a holiday without cooking on the grill. So I made us cheeseburgers and Oven Fries. Which were pretty good...I was so proud of myself. haha.

Happy Memorial Day to all the men and women who serve us! :-)

Choices...

I'm very exhausted with feeling angry at Cam's dad all the time for not being the father he should be. I've come to a conclusion that he will never change so I need to stop waiting for him to. Which I've followed up with the decision of choosing to not be angry about it anymore. It's waste of my energy. Imagine all the energy I would have for other things if I just let go of all the anger. So here is me letting it go. Of course it's easier said than done, so this is going to take some time and learning to do, but it can be done and is well worth it in the end.

It's going to be hard enough for Cam to have a disconnected father when he gets older that I don't want to do anything to make it harder on Cam. I know it will make it harder emotionally on Cam later down the road if I don't let go of this hurt/anger. Kids often times try to own their parents feelings towards someone. I don't want that for him. He's very bright kid and I just hope I make the right decisions when it comes to dealing with issues with his dad. My cousins had a very disconnected dad and still struggle with it in their adulthood and it effects ALL their relationships. I don't want him to have the same problems. Though me and his dad are not together I want him to see us at least having a healthy relationship as parents. His father and I could not maintain a healthy spousal relationship (mostly his fault cause he's co-dependent)so we've (more like I've) decided it's best that we end the relationship and just focus on co-parenting. Which in reality right now is me raising Cam and him coming over to play for a couple hours once a week, but at least we aren't fighting in front of Cam or cold to each other. That's a start.

So here is to turning over a new leaf....wish me luck!

FED UP!!!!

I'm so fed up with people telling me they'll be here and then cancel last minute. Honestly, one person can only handle so much disappointment...and I think I've taken it all very gracefully. I let it roll. But it's really starting to get on my nerves and not sure how much more patience I have left for this sh*t.

The people I work for constantly don't give me notice of changes in schedules and have actually forgotten to call me to tell me they don't need me. Cam's dad always says he's going to come over to see Cam and cancels EVERY TIME!!!! EVERY F-ING TIME!!! Which breaks my heart for my son. He's not old enough to understand, but there is going to be a day where he will understand and I want more for my son than that. How could someone be so heartless? Either be a parent or just hit the road! My friends even do this to me I'll get a text an hour before they're supposed to show up. REALLY!?!?! Come on!

It sucks not feeling like you can depend on anyone.

On another similar note Cam's dad wants to hang out just the 3 of us....I am a single mom my only break is when he watches Cameron. I'd be more open to hanging out the 3 of us if he was actually around more than once a week for 2 hrs. He can afford to spend time alone with his son. And he better not be using my son (yeah I said "my" not "our" cause he hasn't earned that) to see me or get me. He claims he has changed, but so far it's all talk. Quite frankly I'm sicking of the talk it goes in one ear and out the other....why don't you just prove it, or how about you actually be a father? I don't know how he expects me to ever even consider giving him a 5th chance when he hasn't proven himself as a father first.

I'm sick of being walked all over and taken advantage of so if you think I'm being bitch it's probably cause you deserve it :-D