Saturday, June 13, 2009
Balance and Serenity
Today I discovered just how wonderful Yoga is and why people get so hooked. I had one hell of a week and was feeling so anxious....not to mention my back felt like crap! I decided to drag myself to yoga with my mom and see what all the hype is about. I feel sooooooo much better I'm so glad I went. I don't have that knot in the center of my chest anymore and my back finally feels better. Not to mention my patience feels renewed. One of the trainers where I work (my second job) said it's the best exercise for toning and building lean muscle. This will be my new addiction. I tried Yoga when I was pregnant and ended up leaving in the middle of class cause it was too hard, then I attempted it again when Cam was 3 months old (again I walked out half way through)...it was pretty hard to do back then, but I was also 75 lbs heavier. I guess since it was easy this time that means I'm in shape finally :-) That's an exciting thought. So I encourage those skeptical of Yoga to go give it a shot and those that find it too hard still work up to it, it gets easier the better shape you're in.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
I Live For.....
The cute little laugh out loud moments with my son.
Cam has wide feet so I have to buy the expensive stride rite shoes. And I'm not afraid to admit I'm anal about keeping them clean...I wipe them off with a baby wipe every day. Yesterday I was too lazy to do it and CAmeron starts going in his diaper cabinet and I was yelling at him to stay out of it, but he ignores me. Next thing I know he's sitting there wiping his shoes off with a baby wipe. It was sooo cute! Poor kid I'm rubbing off on him.
Cam sees my mom go off to work with her brief case everyday. Today he goes in the pantry and gets a lunch box out, slings it over his shoulder and tells my "bye bye mommy" and walks out the door. hahaha!
And this weeks winner for the "EWWWW" award is when........
He took the watering can and poured it out all over the side walk. The dog started licking the water off the ground. I turned to ask H to do something and when I turned around Cam was on all fours licking the side walk!!! EWWWWW!!!
Cam has wide feet so I have to buy the expensive stride rite shoes. And I'm not afraid to admit I'm anal about keeping them clean...I wipe them off with a baby wipe every day. Yesterday I was too lazy to do it and CAmeron starts going in his diaper cabinet and I was yelling at him to stay out of it, but he ignores me. Next thing I know he's sitting there wiping his shoes off with a baby wipe. It was sooo cute! Poor kid I'm rubbing off on him.
Cam sees my mom go off to work with her brief case everyday. Today he goes in the pantry and gets a lunch box out, slings it over his shoulder and tells my "bye bye mommy" and walks out the door. hahaha!
And this weeks winner for the "EWWWW" award is when........
He took the watering can and poured it out all over the side walk. The dog started licking the water off the ground. I turned to ask H to do something and when I turned around Cam was on all fours licking the side walk!!! EWWWWW!!!
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
It's Official....
Cam has hit the terrible 2's 4 months EARLY! I'm in search of an extra stash of patience.
I'm no longer allowed to help him do things, when I try he swats my hands away and yells at me. Today I made us popcorn for a snack and when I tried to eat it he tried to take it out of my mouth and screamed at me "MINE!" Then he proceeded to do his extremely pissed off dance where he jumps up down crying. When it was time for dinner tonight he was very unhappy about that. My mom picked him up and strapped him into his booster seat where he began to scream til his face was purple. I sat there and ate my dinner watching him throw his fit....I was waiting for his head to spin in circles and vomit to come projecting out of his mouth like in the Exorcist. It never happened after about 10 minutes of that and he stopped and decided he would eat dinner.
My recent activities have been perfecting the art of ignoring these outbursts, because if I don't I think I'll be on the floor screaming and crying with him. I mean there is zero chance of consoling him or redirecting him he's stubborn (like me). My next purchase is going to be EARPLUGS!
I'm no longer allowed to help him do things, when I try he swats my hands away and yells at me. Today I made us popcorn for a snack and when I tried to eat it he tried to take it out of my mouth and screamed at me "MINE!" Then he proceeded to do his extremely pissed off dance where he jumps up down crying. When it was time for dinner tonight he was very unhappy about that. My mom picked him up and strapped him into his booster seat where he began to scream til his face was purple. I sat there and ate my dinner watching him throw his fit....I was waiting for his head to spin in circles and vomit to come projecting out of his mouth like in the Exorcist. It never happened after about 10 minutes of that and he stopped and decided he would eat dinner.
My recent activities have been perfecting the art of ignoring these outbursts, because if I don't I think I'll be on the floor screaming and crying with him. I mean there is zero chance of consoling him or redirecting him he's stubborn (like me). My next purchase is going to be EARPLUGS!
Monday, May 25, 2009
Happy Memorial Day
Today we spent the holiday just the two of us. It was kinda nice, yet lonely at the same time. I decided to make it special for him. I got up early with him got us fed and dressed and hurried out to see the Parade in town. He absolutely LOVED the parade. He waved "hi" to all the cars and trucks and danced to all the marching bands. When the soldiers shot off their guns he yelled "WOAH!!!" and clapped (he's your typical boy). It was the first time he saw a Parade and something we'll now have to make a tradition. I'm not somewhat debating keeping him up for fire works on the 4th of July. We'll see.
I am grill challenged! BUT a holiday just isn't a holiday without cooking on the grill. So I made us cheeseburgers and Oven Fries. Which were pretty good...I was so proud of myself. haha.
Happy Memorial Day to all the men and women who serve us! :-)
I am grill challenged! BUT a holiday just isn't a holiday without cooking on the grill. So I made us cheeseburgers and Oven Fries. Which were pretty good...I was so proud of myself. haha.
Happy Memorial Day to all the men and women who serve us! :-)
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Choices...
I'm very exhausted with feeling angry at Cam's dad all the time for not being the father he should be. I've come to a conclusion that he will never change so I need to stop waiting for him to. Which I've followed up with the decision of choosing to not be angry about it anymore. It's waste of my energy. Imagine all the energy I would have for other things if I just let go of all the anger. So here is me letting it go. Of course it's easier said than done, so this is going to take some time and learning to do, but it can be done and is well worth it in the end.
It's going to be hard enough for Cam to have a disconnected father when he gets older that I don't want to do anything to make it harder on Cam. I know it will make it harder emotionally on Cam later down the road if I don't let go of this hurt/anger. Kids often times try to own their parents feelings towards someone. I don't want that for him. He's very bright kid and I just hope I make the right decisions when it comes to dealing with issues with his dad. My cousins had a very disconnected dad and still struggle with it in their adulthood and it effects ALL their relationships. I don't want him to have the same problems. Though me and his dad are not together I want him to see us at least having a healthy relationship as parents. His father and I could not maintain a healthy spousal relationship (mostly his fault cause he's co-dependent)so we've (more like I've) decided it's best that we end the relationship and just focus on co-parenting. Which in reality right now is me raising Cam and him coming over to play for a couple hours once a week, but at least we aren't fighting in front of Cam or cold to each other. That's a start.
So here is to turning over a new leaf....wish me luck!
It's going to be hard enough for Cam to have a disconnected father when he gets older that I don't want to do anything to make it harder on Cam. I know it will make it harder emotionally on Cam later down the road if I don't let go of this hurt/anger. Kids often times try to own their parents feelings towards someone. I don't want that for him. He's very bright kid and I just hope I make the right decisions when it comes to dealing with issues with his dad. My cousins had a very disconnected dad and still struggle with it in their adulthood and it effects ALL their relationships. I don't want him to have the same problems. Though me and his dad are not together I want him to see us at least having a healthy relationship as parents. His father and I could not maintain a healthy spousal relationship (mostly his fault cause he's co-dependent)so we've (more like I've) decided it's best that we end the relationship and just focus on co-parenting. Which in reality right now is me raising Cam and him coming over to play for a couple hours once a week, but at least we aren't fighting in front of Cam or cold to each other. That's a start.
So here is to turning over a new leaf....wish me luck!
Thursday, May 7, 2009
FED UP!!!!
I'm so fed up with people telling me they'll be here and then cancel last minute. Honestly, one person can only handle so much disappointment...and I think I've taken it all very gracefully. I let it roll. But it's really starting to get on my nerves and not sure how much more patience I have left for this sh*t.
The people I work for constantly don't give me notice of changes in schedules and have actually forgotten to call me to tell me they don't need me. Cam's dad always says he's going to come over to see Cam and cancels EVERY TIME!!!! EVERY F-ING TIME!!! Which breaks my heart for my son. He's not old enough to understand, but there is going to be a day where he will understand and I want more for my son than that. How could someone be so heartless? Either be a parent or just hit the road! My friends even do this to me I'll get a text an hour before they're supposed to show up. REALLY!?!?! Come on!
It sucks not feeling like you can depend on anyone.
On another similar note Cam's dad wants to hang out just the 3 of us....I am a single mom my only break is when he watches Cameron. I'd be more open to hanging out the 3 of us if he was actually around more than once a week for 2 hrs. He can afford to spend time alone with his son. And he better not be using my son (yeah I said "my" not "our" cause he hasn't earned that) to see me or get me. He claims he has changed, but so far it's all talk. Quite frankly I'm sicking of the talk it goes in one ear and out the other....why don't you just prove it, or how about you actually be a father? I don't know how he expects me to ever even consider giving him a 5th chance when he hasn't proven himself as a father first.
I'm sick of being walked all over and taken advantage of so if you think I'm being bitch it's probably cause you deserve it :-D
The people I work for constantly don't give me notice of changes in schedules and have actually forgotten to call me to tell me they don't need me. Cam's dad always says he's going to come over to see Cam and cancels EVERY TIME!!!! EVERY F-ING TIME!!! Which breaks my heart for my son. He's not old enough to understand, but there is going to be a day where he will understand and I want more for my son than that. How could someone be so heartless? Either be a parent or just hit the road! My friends even do this to me I'll get a text an hour before they're supposed to show up. REALLY!?!?! Come on!
It sucks not feeling like you can depend on anyone.
On another similar note Cam's dad wants to hang out just the 3 of us....I am a single mom my only break is when he watches Cameron. I'd be more open to hanging out the 3 of us if he was actually around more than once a week for 2 hrs. He can afford to spend time alone with his son. And he better not be using my son (yeah I said "my" not "our" cause he hasn't earned that) to see me or get me. He claims he has changed, but so far it's all talk. Quite frankly I'm sicking of the talk it goes in one ear and out the other....why don't you just prove it, or how about you actually be a father? I don't know how he expects me to ever even consider giving him a 5th chance when he hasn't proven himself as a father first.
I'm sick of being walked all over and taken advantage of so if you think I'm being bitch it's probably cause you deserve it :-D
Monday, April 27, 2009
Paranoia
Ugh so apparently there is this "Swine Flu" going around and they keep raising the alert. I had heard NOTHING about it, because I really don't watch the news it gives me nightmares. My mom informed me of it. JUST GREAT! I had taken a month off of going to the gym cause I was sick and then I wanted to wait out the rest of cold season because CAmeron gets so sick every time he goes to kiddie care. I finally started going again and now I don't feel comfortable taking him there. The parents around here are assholes and will drop their sick kids off at the kiddie care just so they can work out and in turn getting everyone elses kids sick. Irritates the hell out of me. When Cameron is sick I don't bring him I find someone to watch him and if I can't find someone to watch him then I have to work out another way. Ignorant people suck!
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Is It A Bad Thing? :-\
I'm not sure if it's a good thing or a bad thing that my son wants to do whatever I do or whatever his Memere or Pepere are doing?
My dad makes espresso and cappuccino's in the morning. Cameron loves to help this is one of this "jobs" in the mornings on the weekends.
Next thing he likes to do is feed the dog. He has to help or he screams at you and tries to push you out of the way. This is yet another one of his "jobs"
If I see Cameron's shoes laying around and I ask him to put them in the basket he will pick up his shoes and put them right where they belong. And if I ask him where my shoes are he'll go find them for me. So helpful!
Today I said okay Cameron lets go to the store. He grabs my keys and cell phone and says "here mommy! mommy here!" Sweet boy knows how I forget everything ;-)
When he spills things on the floor he wants to clean it and he doesn't want any help.
When my dad is out in his woodworking shop Cameron has to be out there to hand the wood to him or pretend he's making something right next to Pepere.
He'd rather do all those things than play with his toys! Is that a bad thing?? He isn't interested in TV. When i take him to the park he just likes to wonder around. He does love his Cozy Coupe but that's only because it mimics a real car and he can actually get in it and drive to be like us. He loves his slide mostly I think because of our reactions. He even now tells me where to put things away. I hope it keeps up and in other ways I wish there was something he likes better than this :/
My dad makes espresso and cappuccino's in the morning. Cameron loves to help this is one of this "jobs" in the mornings on the weekends.
Next thing he likes to do is feed the dog. He has to help or he screams at you and tries to push you out of the way. This is yet another one of his "jobs"
If I see Cameron's shoes laying around and I ask him to put them in the basket he will pick up his shoes and put them right where they belong. And if I ask him where my shoes are he'll go find them for me. So helpful!
Today I said okay Cameron lets go to the store. He grabs my keys and cell phone and says "here mommy! mommy here!" Sweet boy knows how I forget everything ;-)
When he spills things on the floor he wants to clean it and he doesn't want any help.
When my dad is out in his woodworking shop Cameron has to be out there to hand the wood to him or pretend he's making something right next to Pepere.
He'd rather do all those things than play with his toys! Is that a bad thing?? He isn't interested in TV. When i take him to the park he just likes to wonder around. He does love his Cozy Coupe but that's only because it mimics a real car and he can actually get in it and drive to be like us. He loves his slide mostly I think because of our reactions. He even now tells me where to put things away. I hope it keeps up and in other ways I wish there was something he likes better than this :/
Friday, April 24, 2009
The Day Isn't Complete Without......
Wednesday night I was sitting at the kitchen table enjoying some wonderfully fattening Chicken Fingers. My naked son (airing out before bath) hops up on the chair insisting on a bite. As I tear a piece off and blow on it I hear a strange noise and then I feel my foot vibrating....I look down to see a nice steaming golden stream of pee hitting my foot and bouncing off splattering everywhere!!!! OH JOY!!!!
So you think I would have learned my lesson! Hah! fat chance. Thursday night once again I'm sitting at the kitchen table eating a hamburger with 2 of my friends. When Cameron hops up on one of the chairs to chat with us...2 mins later and he is peeing all over the floor. Now Cameron loves to clean up his own messes so I promptly fetched some paper towels and handed him a couple sheets to help me. He wipes up a bunch of pee and I crouch down to get under the chair and he starts wiping me down with this piss filled paper towel. Yeah my friends got a huge kick outta that.
Needless to say the diaper did not come off tonight before bath!
So you think I would have learned my lesson! Hah! fat chance. Thursday night once again I'm sitting at the kitchen table eating a hamburger with 2 of my friends. When Cameron hops up on one of the chairs to chat with us...2 mins later and he is peeing all over the floor. Now Cameron loves to clean up his own messes so I promptly fetched some paper towels and handed him a couple sheets to help me. He wipes up a bunch of pee and I crouch down to get under the chair and he starts wiping me down with this piss filled paper towel. Yeah my friends got a huge kick outta that.
Needless to say the diaper did not come off tonight before bath!
Friday, April 17, 2009
Peanut....Peanut Butter....And Jelly!
I gave Cam peanut butter crackers for lunch yesterday. While I was cleaning up I left the peanut butter on the table figuring he probably won't mess with it since he has crackers in front of him. WRONG!!!!! While I was throwing something out and putting dishes in the dish washer he decided to help himself. I check on him to see how he's doing and he turns around and has peanut butter all the way up to his elbows and he says "mmmmm!" in the other hand is the peanut butter jar....he proceeds to stick his entire hand in the peanut butter jar and then start licking it exclaiming "mmmmmm!!!" hahahaha. It's so hard not to laugh at moments like these, but I know if I do it will only encourage him to do more things like this. I try to put on my poker face and tell him "No Thank you! That's not okay." and begin the clean up. Do you have any idea how hard it is to get peanut butter off of things especially a toddler with ants in his pants? I ended up getting the majority of the peanut butter on me not the wash cloth.
New Beginning
So I started this blog months ago and I just decided to erase the majority of it and start fresh. Here it goes....I'm 24 y/o single mom to my 19 month old son Cam. I've never been more proud. He's a vivacious little boy with a big sense of humor and an even bigger heart. He's go go go and never stops not even to watch TV (to my dismay). Which I guess is a good thing he keeps me young and fit haha.
I lost myself in mommy-hood for a while, but I have recently learned to balance being a mommy and being Kate. My friend and family have been great and sooo supportive of me every step of the way. I couldn't be more blessed.
Being a single mom definitely is not easy and has lots of ups and downs, but I wouldn't trade one moment of it. It's not fun if it's easy right ;-) Honestly, my son has taught me so much and thanks to him I've grown up and become a better person. I have a ton of respect for those single mom's that do this with more than one kid.
I took a brief vacation from this blog because my ex claimed things about my character that were absolutely false and I didn't want to give him another way to twist my words. Another reason why I'm starting this from scratch again. He can try and take whatever he wants from this but he is not going to take my voice anymore. Plain and simple.
I lost myself in mommy-hood for a while, but I have recently learned to balance being a mommy and being Kate. My friend and family have been great and sooo supportive of me every step of the way. I couldn't be more blessed.
Being a single mom definitely is not easy and has lots of ups and downs, but I wouldn't trade one moment of it. It's not fun if it's easy right ;-) Honestly, my son has taught me so much and thanks to him I've grown up and become a better person. I have a ton of respect for those single mom's that do this with more than one kid.
I took a brief vacation from this blog because my ex claimed things about my character that were absolutely false and I didn't want to give him another way to twist my words. Another reason why I'm starting this from scratch again. He can try and take whatever he wants from this but he is not going to take my voice anymore. Plain and simple.
Friday, January 16, 2009
Dear Cam,
Cam has been miserable the past 3 days bringing us both to tears. Not sure what's wrong....bad mood? Teething? Sick?I just hear my brothers words in my head "This shall pass". haha. but I decided today to just write my little guy a letter about how much I love him.
My Dearest Cam,
You’ve been in my life 25 months now and in my arms for 16 months. I would not trade a second of any day I’ve had with you. You are loved beyond words could ever describe. Never let anyone tell you or think that you were a mistake. You are nothing less than a miracle…a beautiful blessing in disguise. You have made me become a better person and opened my eyes to what life is really all about.
You are such a little ball of energy. You’ll do anything to get a laugh out of the people around you. Yet all the while very affectionate you give hugs and kisses and let us cuddle you before you go to sleep. You are getting big so fast, I only wish that time would slow down so I could enjoy your stages a little longer. You’ll always be my little boy in my heart even when you are taller than me and probably can bench press me. I’m sure you’ll always have a soft spot for you mama as well.
For future reference when you are a teenager and are bound to hate me because of the rules I make know that I do it all because I love and only want the best for you. Not because I want to ruin your life. You’ll understand all the rules and all that I’ve said and done for you someday when you have your own family. Until then I never expect you to really understand it all. I’m going to do the best that I can for you and I just pray that it’s good enough. I love you very very much.
Love always, always,
Mommy
My Dearest Cam,
You’ve been in my life 25 months now and in my arms for 16 months. I would not trade a second of any day I’ve had with you. You are loved beyond words could ever describe. Never let anyone tell you or think that you were a mistake. You are nothing less than a miracle…a beautiful blessing in disguise. You have made me become a better person and opened my eyes to what life is really all about.
You are such a little ball of energy. You’ll do anything to get a laugh out of the people around you. Yet all the while very affectionate you give hugs and kisses and let us cuddle you before you go to sleep. You are getting big so fast, I only wish that time would slow down so I could enjoy your stages a little longer. You’ll always be my little boy in my heart even when you are taller than me and probably can bench press me. I’m sure you’ll always have a soft spot for you mama as well.
For future reference when you are a teenager and are bound to hate me because of the rules I make know that I do it all because I love and only want the best for you. Not because I want to ruin your life. You’ll understand all the rules and all that I’ve said and done for you someday when you have your own family. Until then I never expect you to really understand it all. I’m going to do the best that I can for you and I just pray that it’s good enough. I love you very very much.
Love always, always,
Mommy
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Ugh, Holy Crap (Literally)
I took Cam upstairs for his bath and stripped him down naked. I left him alone in his room for 2 mins tops while I ran into the bathroom to draw his bath. I go back into the room and catch a faint smell of poop! I thought nothing of it at first until Ray picked up a HUGE poop log and started waving it around at me. I immediately yelled "NO EWWW!!!" and he threw the poop right away and started yelling "ewww" and dancing. hahahahaha oh man! Good thing it was bath time. Note to self: Bring my flip video upstairs for bathtime :-)
Today was the typical day.Cam was in a great mood. He chased the dog around trying to hit her over the head with his toy broom. For lunch I had to chase him around the house trying to get him to take a bite of his quesadilla....He refuses to sit down to eat anymore, because he just doesn't want to stop for one second. I don't have the patience to always fight him to sit and eat so I just chase him. Hey it's good exercise! He emptied the DVD towers twice and that included taking the shelves out too. haha he has to do a thorough job. He also built a fire (minus the fire) in the middle of the family room. That was fun...he ate some bark for a snack while he was at it. He reorganized half the cabinets while I cooked dinner. During clean up from dinner he hung onto my leg screaming. And well you know how bathtime went. hahaha. And I treasure nothing more than to watch my baby drift to sleep while I sing him a lullaby (poor kid has to listen to me sing).
I wanted to add on a side note from yesterdays post that I do have one really good best friend. She lives in California, but still she saves my sanity on my bad days and always shares my joys on a good day. I'm always grateful to have her in my life. We are so much alike I swear she was a sister in a past life ;-)
Today was the typical day.Cam was in a great mood. He chased the dog around trying to hit her over the head with his toy broom. For lunch I had to chase him around the house trying to get him to take a bite of his quesadilla....He refuses to sit down to eat anymore, because he just doesn't want to stop for one second. I don't have the patience to always fight him to sit and eat so I just chase him. Hey it's good exercise! He emptied the DVD towers twice and that included taking the shelves out too. haha he has to do a thorough job. He also built a fire (minus the fire) in the middle of the family room. That was fun...he ate some bark for a snack while he was at it. He reorganized half the cabinets while I cooked dinner. During clean up from dinner he hung onto my leg screaming. And well you know how bathtime went. hahaha. And I treasure nothing more than to watch my baby drift to sleep while I sing him a lullaby (poor kid has to listen to me sing).
I wanted to add on a side note from yesterdays post that I do have one really good best friend. She lives in California, but still she saves my sanity on my bad days and always shares my joys on a good day. I'm always grateful to have her in my life. We are so much alike I swear she was a sister in a past life ;-)
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