Choices...

I'm very exhausted with feeling angry at Cam's dad all the time for not being the father he should be. I've come to a conclusion that he will never change so I need to stop waiting for him to. Which I've followed up with the decision of choosing to not be angry about it anymore. It's waste of my energy. Imagine all the energy I would have for other things if I just let go of all the anger. So here is me letting it go. Of course it's easier said than done, so this is going to take some time and learning to do, but it can be done and is well worth it in the end.

It's going to be hard enough for Cam to have a disconnected father when he gets older that I don't want to do anything to make it harder on Cam. I know it will make it harder emotionally on Cam later down the road if I don't let go of this hurt/anger. Kids often times try to own their parents feelings towards someone. I don't want that for him. He's very bright kid and I just hope I make the right decisions when it comes to dealing with issues with his dad. My cousins had a very disconnected dad and still struggle with it in their adulthood and it effects ALL their relationships. I don't want him to have the same problems. Though me and his dad are not together I want him to see us at least having a healthy relationship as parents. His father and I could not maintain a healthy spousal relationship (mostly his fault cause he's co-dependent)so we've (more like I've) decided it's best that we end the relationship and just focus on co-parenting. Which in reality right now is me raising Cam and him coming over to play for a couple hours once a week, but at least we aren't fighting in front of Cam or cold to each other. That's a start.

So here is to turning over a new leaf....wish me luck!